You know how your eyes squint to block a scary scene from a movie playing in front of you and your face contorts from the anticipation of what fate may befall the heroine? I lived out my own horror story yesterday when I finally got the courage to open my old YM id.
As I typed a password I vaguely remember, I was wishing I'll get it wrong but I realized that the only way I'll be prompted with an incorrect password entered is if I did it on purpose, or if my finger slipped to replace each character with a different one. The familiar logo woke up from its slumber, bouncing once to face its user, blinking, breathing, all the while not losing the smile pasted on its roundness. Then the vertical window went white/blank, longer than usual because I was on my very old poor performing laptop. When it finally showed the list of old online friends, my mouse was already on the scroll bar, dragging it downwards, towards the end, an intimate act I thought I had already buried in my messy jumbled brain. Of course it won't cooperate. For a minute the title bar showed "(Not Responding)" and the window showed white and blank once more. But when it recovered, Yahoo! Insider opened then it popped out the thing I was dreading.
I used to imagine what that moment will be like. Really. A 100 messages at the slightest? A confined space filled with messages from the same person. A one-liner. A word. A question. A plea. A letter-long. Spills from the heart. Again, from the same person. Then sparse messages from random people. That's how I saw it when I daydream. Instead I got these: 3 text, on separate lines. 2 on that same day and the other dated September, a harmless inquiry about my life. 1 got me brooding. It's not even a word found under 'A' in Webster's. It's an expression translated into text composed of three characters. It incited images of what happened before it was sent, what was going through the person's mind and guts, and the silence that followed. What did not sit with me was the finality. The silence that came after.
Now, I can sign into my old YM id whenever I feel like it. No worries. Plus I just discovered I have been deleted from a list. I repeat, no worries.
Post shout-out (a.k.a. senseless late reaction): I can now write and blur what used to be intimate and I will continue until I only produce one entry a year... then none.
Showing posts with label in love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label in love. Show all posts
March 19, 2010
March 7, 2010
After-thought
February 27, 2010 account of a curious event
12:08 AM
I was minding my steps, one foot always ahead of the other, forward... forward... forward... when I unassumingly peeked to my left through the gap in my bangs. That was when I spotted Krizzie. Gliding. Against a backdrop of tarpaulins that says: SMART LOAD NA DITO! or GLOBE AUTOLOAD MAX; and glass casings full of mobile phones. Eyes entranced by something in the distance. The roundness of the cheeks lifted high by the the corners of the lips. Odd. Though the lips were parted and showing both sets of teeth, it formed no upward arch at the corners which is presumed to hold those plump cheeks high, almost pushing the lower eyelids to touch its sibling. I looked around and everybody was minding their own steps, one foot forward, another foot forward. They don't see Krizzie. Only I see Krizzie.
Krizzie smiling fool.
12:08 AM
I was minding my steps, one foot always ahead of the other, forward... forward... forward... when I unassumingly peeked to my left through the gap in my bangs. That was when I spotted Krizzie. Gliding. Against a backdrop of tarpaulins that says: SMART LOAD NA DITO! or GLOBE AUTOLOAD MAX; and glass casings full of mobile phones. Eyes entranced by something in the distance. The roundness of the cheeks lifted high by the the corners of the lips. Odd. Though the lips were parted and showing both sets of teeth, it formed no upward arch at the corners which is presumed to hold those plump cheeks high, almost pushing the lower eyelids to touch its sibling. I looked around and everybody was minding their own steps, one foot forward, another foot forward. They don't see Krizzie. Only I see Krizzie.
Krizzie smiling fool.
March 4, 2010
Forer effect
Cancer
June 22 - July 23
source: http://www.astrology.com.au/12signs/cancer.asp
Cancer, the fourth sign of the zodiac, is a water sign, which signifies your highly emotional nature. Being under the sway of the element of water also makes you highly caring, generous and intuitive. You are highly evolved, even spiritual — the water signs are karmically developed and refined in spirit.
Water is malleable and adaptable. You are very much like that. You adapt when you have to, but you much prefer to make changes on your own terms.
Like water, you are soothing and nourishing too. Life-supporting energies are at the heart of your character. You will act as a support for many people — in your own family and beyond.
Oscar-winning actress Kathy Bates is a dedicated patron, funding a Beverly Hills hospital for women recovering from cancer. Guess what her star sign is? You got it — Cancer!
You are for the most part a person of feeling and sensation. Often you will ignore your own judgment and rationality, and someone’s else’s reasonable advice, in favour of how you feel. You don’t care if you’re wrong, either! If your intuition tells you to do something, like reaching out to give someone a helping hand, you’ll just do it.
Others turn to you when they need a shoulder to cry on — you’ll do well in any of the caring professions. This approach is highlighted by your key life phrase, ‘I nurture’. You find it difficult to turn away anyone in need. Anyone who knows you will agree that you are one of the best people to connect with if they need advice. Friends will turn to you if they are in trouble, knowing that your sensitive and compassionate touch will lighten their load.
You are extremely receptive to your environment and the people around you, and will often ‘pick up’ people’s energies, moods and thoughts. This ability serves you well; your intuition about people is quite often correct. Your knack of knowing people’s issues before they even open their mouths attracts them to you. The difficulty with this, though, is that you can tend to absorb their emotions — negative as well as positive.
You reflect the qualities of the changing Moon. This means that at times your emotions get the better of you, and you swing from high to low. Family and friends will be well aware of this, but they will not doubt your loyalty and supportiveness.
Another aspect of the Moon that sometimes doesn’t work well for you is its maternal nature. You sometimes veer too close to the mothering/smothering lane, which can put people off.
Back on the plus side, you love to mix with all sorts of people. Social activities are an essential ingredient in your development. You are a great success socially, because you can convey your wisdom to others so well — Cancerians have very expressive faces.
Creative enterprises are a great way to make the most of your moods and your imagination. Music and writing are perfect vehicles for you. You can express the inner part of your being as entertaining literary, art or music pieces.
Cooking is also a great outlet for you. Even if you cook as a hobby rather than as a job, you will find that it balances your state of mind over time.
Sometimes you can get locked into your own private lifestyle, and only come out at full Moon. Being a recluse is not for you, though — share your talents and love with the world. Some of this is down to your love of the night.
Because the Moon’s domain is the night, many Cancerians are night owls. From twilight on, your creativity starts to flow and you feel at home — you have a strong affinity with lunar energies. This is a good time to get into writing, meditating, or just walking in the moonlight. All these will energise you. You love the stillness and mystery of the night.
You are a consummate homemaker. Even men born under this sign express the ‘feminine’ aspect of their character in their love of the kitchen, and activities that make them feel secure in their domestic space.
You love to collect or keep mementos — such as scrapbooks and other bits and pieces — that bring back memories of good times and people you care about. You have a great memory, not just for facts, but also any good turn or kindness you’ve received.
You can always talk about any subject with anyone. That retentive memory is a help here, as is your impartial, even-handed approach to people generally. Dealing with people comes naturally to you: add this to your shrewdness and intuition, and you are likely to be a good businessperson. You can also use these skills in managing your day-to-day life.
If you are a Cancer born between 22nd June and 3rd July you are under the double influence of Moon. You are emotional, loving and destined in marriage and love life. However, try to curb your changeable emotions. Don't let sentimentality rule you.
Were you born between 4th and 13th July? Well, Cancer, I see you have a very deep and penetrating mind and can sometimes be overly intense in relationships. Your loyalty is unconditional and you make the staunchest of friends.
As a Cancer born between 14th and 22nd July you are prone to a dreamy and idealistic attitude in life. You like the idea of being compassionate and forgiving to everyone and serve the needs of friends and family well. That’s fine but don’t forget that you have needs as well.
June 22 - July 23
source: http://www.astrology.com.au/12signs/cancer.asp
Cancer, the fourth sign of the zodiac, is a water sign, which signifies your highly emotional nature. Being under the sway of the element of water also makes you highly caring, generous and intuitive. You are highly evolved, even spiritual — the water signs are karmically developed and refined in spirit.
Water is malleable and adaptable. You are very much like that. You adapt when you have to, but you much prefer to make changes on your own terms.
Like water, you are soothing and nourishing too. Life-supporting energies are at the heart of your character. You will act as a support for many people — in your own family and beyond.
Oscar-winning actress Kathy Bates is a dedicated patron, funding a Beverly Hills hospital for women recovering from cancer. Guess what her star sign is? You got it — Cancer!
You are for the most part a person of feeling and sensation. Often you will ignore your own judgment and rationality, and someone’s else’s reasonable advice, in favour of how you feel. You don’t care if you’re wrong, either! If your intuition tells you to do something, like reaching out to give someone a helping hand, you’ll just do it.
Others turn to you when they need a shoulder to cry on — you’ll do well in any of the caring professions. This approach is highlighted by your key life phrase, ‘I nurture’. You find it difficult to turn away anyone in need. Anyone who knows you will agree that you are one of the best people to connect with if they need advice. Friends will turn to you if they are in trouble, knowing that your sensitive and compassionate touch will lighten their load.
You are extremely receptive to your environment and the people around you, and will often ‘pick up’ people’s energies, moods and thoughts. This ability serves you well; your intuition about people is quite often correct. Your knack of knowing people’s issues before they even open their mouths attracts them to you. The difficulty with this, though, is that you can tend to absorb their emotions — negative as well as positive.
You reflect the qualities of the changing Moon. This means that at times your emotions get the better of you, and you swing from high to low. Family and friends will be well aware of this, but they will not doubt your loyalty and supportiveness.
Another aspect of the Moon that sometimes doesn’t work well for you is its maternal nature. You sometimes veer too close to the mothering/smothering lane, which can put people off.
Back on the plus side, you love to mix with all sorts of people. Social activities are an essential ingredient in your development. You are a great success socially, because you can convey your wisdom to others so well — Cancerians have very expressive faces.
Creative enterprises are a great way to make the most of your moods and your imagination. Music and writing are perfect vehicles for you. You can express the inner part of your being as entertaining literary, art or music pieces.
Cooking is also a great outlet for you. Even if you cook as a hobby rather than as a job, you will find that it balances your state of mind over time.
Sometimes you can get locked into your own private lifestyle, and only come out at full Moon. Being a recluse is not for you, though — share your talents and love with the world. Some of this is down to your love of the night.
Because the Moon’s domain is the night, many Cancerians are night owls. From twilight on, your creativity starts to flow and you feel at home — you have a strong affinity with lunar energies. This is a good time to get into writing, meditating, or just walking in the moonlight. All these will energise you. You love the stillness and mystery of the night.
You are a consummate homemaker. Even men born under this sign express the ‘feminine’ aspect of their character in their love of the kitchen, and activities that make them feel secure in their domestic space.
You love to collect or keep mementos — such as scrapbooks and other bits and pieces — that bring back memories of good times and people you care about. You have a great memory, not just for facts, but also any good turn or kindness you’ve received.
You can always talk about any subject with anyone. That retentive memory is a help here, as is your impartial, even-handed approach to people generally. Dealing with people comes naturally to you: add this to your shrewdness and intuition, and you are likely to be a good businessperson. You can also use these skills in managing your day-to-day life.
If you are a Cancer born between 22nd June and 3rd July you are under the double influence of Moon. You are emotional, loving and destined in marriage and love life. However, try to curb your changeable emotions. Don't let sentimentality rule you.
Were you born between 4th and 13th July? Well, Cancer, I see you have a very deep and penetrating mind and can sometimes be overly intense in relationships. Your loyalty is unconditional and you make the staunchest of friends.
As a Cancer born between 14th and 22nd July you are prone to a dreamy and idealistic attitude in life. You like the idea of being compassionate and forgiving to everyone and serve the needs of friends and family well. That’s fine but don’t forget that you have needs as well.
February 28, 2010
Picking up pick up lines
Mia: Nandun yun Petronas towers. Alam mo yun 'di ba?
Allan: No
Mia: Ano ka ba? Yun yun towers na magkatabi
Allan: Ah! Yung parang may bridge sa gitna
Mia: Alam mo 'pag tinitingnan ko yung Petronas, na-i-imagine ko para silang magka-holding hands. Minsan nga na-imagine ko nag-uusap yung dalawa eh
Allan: Anong sinasabi nila sa isa't-isa?
Mia: ... Masaya ako kapag kasama kita
Allan: ... Ako rin
'Di ko nagustuhan.
Kasi nag-expect ako na kasing-ganda o higit pa sa One More Chance.
Para sa akin, kulang kasi yun mga eksenang silang dalawa lang ang magkasama, magkatapat, magkatabi, nakatingin ng diretso sa mata ng isa't isa, o kahit nakayuko man ang isa at ang isa nama'y nakatanaw sa malayo. Tapos magbabatuhan ng quotable quotes. Yung mababaon ba sa paglabas ng sinehan, ma-i-po-post sa facebook wall kasabay ng pag-tag sa kasing adik mong friends, ma-i-te-text exceeding 1 SMS (do you want to continue?), mapaglalaruang mga linya 'pag may gathering with said fanatic friends.
But it did remind me, kung anong kaibahan ni papa John Lloyd sa mga leading men dito sa Pinas.
S'ya lang ang nakakapagpaiyak sa akin habang nanonood ng isang romantic movie.
Especially in that scene (not exactly that, around 5 seconds after that frame).
When he finally found Bea after 2 years, and he was looking at her, with his heart in his eyes. At yun camera, focused lang sa mukha ni papa John Lloyd, for heart-skipping 15 seconds! (an approximation :P, but it felt forever to me). Sa isip ko kanina, "Tapunan mo rin ako ng ganyang tingin papa JL, please." Ano na lang kaya ang makikitang emosyon sa mukha ng isang John Lloyd kung tunay na mahal ang kanyang ka-eksena. Isa pa, "Tapunan mo rin ako ng ganyang tingin papa JL, please" (baka kasi 'pag inulit ulit ko, magkatotoo).
Post shout-out (a.k.a. senseless late reaction): Am I asking for too much?
Allan: No
Mia: Ano ka ba? Yun yun towers na magkatabi
Allan: Ah! Yung parang may bridge sa gitna
Mia: Alam mo 'pag tinitingnan ko yung Petronas, na-i-imagine ko para silang magka-holding hands. Minsan nga na-imagine ko nag-uusap yung dalawa eh
Allan: Anong sinasabi nila sa isa't-isa?
Mia: ... Masaya ako kapag kasama kita
Allan: ... Ako rin
'Di ko nagustuhan.Kasi nag-expect ako na kasing-ganda o higit pa sa One More Chance.
Para sa akin, kulang kasi yun mga eksenang silang dalawa lang ang magkasama, magkatapat, magkatabi, nakatingin ng diretso sa mata ng isa't isa, o kahit nakayuko man ang isa at ang isa nama'y nakatanaw sa malayo. Tapos magbabatuhan ng quotable quotes. Yung mababaon ba sa paglabas ng sinehan, ma-i-po-post sa facebook wall kasabay ng pag-tag sa kasing adik mong friends, ma-i-te-text exceeding 1 SMS (do you want to continue?), mapaglalaruang mga linya 'pag may gathering with said fanatic friends.
But it did remind me, kung anong kaibahan ni papa John Lloyd sa mga leading men dito sa Pinas.
S'ya lang ang nakakapagpaiyak sa akin habang nanonood ng isang romantic movie.
Especially in that scene (not exactly that, around 5 seconds after that frame).
When he finally found Bea after 2 years, and he was looking at her, with his heart in his eyes. At yun camera, focused lang sa mukha ni papa John Lloyd, for heart-skipping 15 seconds! (an approximation :P, but it felt forever to me). Sa isip ko kanina, "Tapunan mo rin ako ng ganyang tingin papa JL, please." Ano na lang kaya ang makikitang emosyon sa mukha ng isang John Lloyd kung tunay na mahal ang kanyang ka-eksena. Isa pa, "Tapunan mo rin ako ng ganyang tingin papa JL, please" (baka kasi 'pag inulit ulit ko, magkatotoo).
Post shout-out (a.k.a. senseless late reaction): Am I asking for too much?
February 24, 2010
Distracted
I wish I can't grow roots
At any moment, I can just sling the strap and take a hike
Unnoticed
Unfelt
Ang hirap pagdesisyunan nito, paksh*t.
At any moment, I can just sling the strap and take a hike
Unnoticed
Unfelt
Ang hirap pagdesisyunan nito, paksh*t.
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