I feel bad (W. Orld says, "Whatever.")

• I suspect I have ADHD-I. I am not letting on much but I am struggling with this everyday and is seriously considering to seek professional help.

• One remedy I thought of to alleviate disorder above is to make myself isolated, untisocial, a caveman. No more laughing. Smiling is allowed. Think misery.

• I am inarticulate. In some ways. That's why I like writing. Best. Because I get the time I need to formulate the feelings/ideas I want out into words.

• I rely too much on others to decide for me. I just don't trust ME.
  

• I did not finish the tasks I have set for myself today. And I wanted to be productive and efficient.

• I have 8 unread books in my bedroom.

• I cannot get myself to start reading them. I am afraid I'm past that phase of filling out hobbies with "reading". What past-time am I left with then?
  

• And, like my responsibilities, they are piling up. I need to stop acquiring one every two weeks.

• I wish I have a retentive memory. Think RAM not ROM.
  

• I almost made it through the day without eating "junk food" but I just had to buy a bar of chocolate to snack on on my way home.

• I wasn't able to go *there* because I slept late last night and when my alarm rang this morning, my body went "5 more minutes please". And as they say, "the rest is his..." XXXXX *eeeeeeeng* wrong! 5 turned into 60.

• I am getting an average of 4 hours of sleep everyday.

• I discovered that ex-es cannot stay friends or just simply get in touch. I tried those two. Being the fickle-minded me, I sought excuses why "us" can still work or can go at it another try. But they were just that, excuses. We are both bound to get hurt (I force feelings into me + He gets hopeful + I get more guilty and hurt for him + He'll cry again in the end + I'll cry too).
  

• I haven't told him yet (see item above).

• I don't have anybody to share all these. I have friends but I don't think they'd completely understand or care. Or me get that caring I need.

• I am alone.

• I believe I'd die from rheumatic heart disease or depression. Depression's cooler.

• I think I'm too kind. I want to be a b*tch for a day. Just not care for somebody's feeling. To not be available to the needy. To give one word answer to questions or not answer at all.

• Even examples above are rather kind. Petty b*tchiness. Maybe give somebody his/her death sentence in love, work or life? Perhaps?

• I originally intended to write only two.

• It's 10:18 PM and incrementing and incrementing and incrementing. I told myself earlier I will not do anything but sleep as soon as I get home.

• And I wanted to idolize Winnie the Pooh. This is a sacrilege to Pooh's philosophy. I wanted to make him proud.
  

Iznogoud,
Jo