Hey, kaya natin ito

It gives me comfort to know that somewhere out there another soul is carrying the same weight as I do.

10 years from now, we'll look back at it all.

Then we'll say, "Siyet, ang husay ko".

Pangako 'yan.

I'm gonna blog about my phone. Just try and stop me.

I finally have my own mobile phone. After 6 years of being a hermit, I say hoooray! Bought it online at http://www.ebuystore.com.ph, had it delivered at the office and received it yesterday at around 9am. It's a Sony Ericsson C902. I'd chosen it for 2 reasons: its 5MP camera and FM radio feature. I read a lot of good reviews about its camera, and it's supposed to be among the top 5 now in the market for it. Although I must say picture quality is a bit sharp for me, but it's the best you can get for taking those "impromptu" moments with friends :P (I say my best bud Ged's N95's is still the best I've seen so far). And did I mention that it's ultra-slim? ultra-sleek? and uber sexy? I guess that makes up for everything else. Seriously, I fall in love with my phone everytime I look at it. It's so flat. The camera is hidden beneath a slide out cover so there are no bulges. The keypad backlight is white and when you open the camera cover, the blue lighting at the back (near the lens) is activated. It's all glossy at the front and its color is titanium silver. Very pretty. I believe it's the phone used in the James Bond movie Quantum of Solace.

Anyway, I'm gonna be using it too to take photos for this blog. So expect at least 2 pictures per entry :P

These are some shots Ged took while I was unwrapping the package. I like to indulge him sometimes. Haha.

I Miss You - Incubus

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

(counting the days 'til my birthday... then I'll know...)

8 years is long. I call it obsession.

Sabi ni Yahoo! Messenger:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ is now online.

Hanggang ngayon may epekto pa rin sa akin ang pangalan mo. Bawat titik ay pamilyar... gawa ng FLAMES. I cross out O, N, I, R, S, T, D, C, L, B, G, and what do I get? Engaged or Enemies. Siyempre mas pabor ako doon sa nauna.

Nagsimula 'yun noong grade 5 tayo and it carried on until the next grade level. Naalala ko pa, nahilig ako mag "May I go out Ma'am" para lamang makadaan sa labas ng inyong room patungo sa CR. At habang binabalangkas ko ang corridor, sa tapat ng inyong pintuan ako naman ay mapapasilip kung pumasok ka. Hindi nga ba't para sa akin ginawa 'yung kantang "Pasulyap-sulyap"?

Pasulyap-sulyap ka't kunwari'y
Patingin-tingin sa akin
Di maintindihan ang ibig mong sabihin
Kung mayro'ng pag-ibig ay
Ipagtapat mo na sa akin
Agad naman kitang sasagutin

Muntik na akong lumipat ng High School noon. Pero isa ka sa mga dahilan, isang malaking dahilan kung bakit ako nag-stay. Taga-Laguna ako, Parañaque naman ang ating eskwelahan, pero para sa iyo ininda ko. Pinagpala naman ako. Apat na taon tayo naging magka-klase, sa first section. 1st year to 4th year. Amf. Heaven. Four memorable years. Araw-araw ganado akong pumasok. Inspired ba. At hindi mabubuo ang araw ko 'pag wala tayong engkwentro. Kaya nga nagpapapansin ako sa iyo eh para kung kumagat ka naman, may baon ako pag-uwi. Isang nakangiting puso. Yikeee.

Nung first year pinatayo ako sa upuan pagkatapos akong tawaging adelantada ng teacher natin dahil umiinom ako ng coke na nasa bote pa at nakapatong sa aking desk habang siya ay nagtuturo. At hindi nagtagal ikaw na ang sumunod. Maya-maya pa'y nagtutulakan na tayo gamit ang ating mga kamay. Eh dambuhala ako. Anong laban ng isang payatot na tulad mo. Mapapabungisngis ka na lang. Parang isang made-for-tv scene noh?

2nd year, bilang biro sinumbong kita sa teacher kahit hindi naman totoo. Nag-react ka naman. Noong kinahapunan, pabalik na ako sa ating classroom, nadulas ako habang pababa ng hagdan. Tanda mo pa ba 'yung hagdan sa gilid ng ating room? 'Yung may gate pa na nagsisilbing harang sa dalawang hall? May limang hakbang din ata 'yun. At nadulas ako. Napakapit sa gate. Tumunog ang gate nang ito ay humampas. At napatingin lahat ng kaklase natin, kasama ka, doon sa source ng ingay. And you saw me there. Nakahandusay kasama ng basahan sa tapat ng ating room. 'Yun ang tinatawag na bad karma. But it made you notice me again. Touchdown!

Nung mga sumunod na taon, mas naging malapit tayo. Masaya ka kausap eh. You matched my sense of fun. Batuhan at saluhan lang ng jokes at alaskahan. Tapos puro tawanan. Every chance I get, I spent it with you. And then we graduated from High School. Pero hindi pa nagtatapos dun. Kasi nagkaron pa tayo ng Batangas trip. With the Cheeky girls and the Chihuahua boys. Kahit punong puno pa ng kahihiyan ang trip na iyon, isama pa ang hagdang may 1,500 steps na ating binaybay pababa and another 1,500 steps paakyat, it was one of the best trips I've ever made in my life. 'Di lang rin dahil sa iyo. Isama mo na rin friends natin. And then came the break.

One year kita hindi nakita. Hindi ka nagparamdam sa aming OLC. Birthdays, debuts, UAAP cheerdance, tambays, swimmings, christmas party, you missed it all. But then came our Hillspa trip. Bigla ka na lang nag-decide na sumamang muli sa amin. Excited ako, pero 'di ko pinahalata sa ibang kasama. Ikaw ang pinakahuling dumating sa resort. Nung nakita kita, ang pagsintang pururot ay nabuhay muli. 2 days and 1 night, filled with bed scenes. Haha.

Magmula noon lagi ka na uli sumasama sa amin. Tapos naging open pa ako sa aking pakakaroon ng crush sa iyo. Hindi nga ba't nangako pa tayo na magiging tayo rin in the end. Pero ito na pala yun simula ng "falling out" stage sa aking one-sided love story. Isang sign na pala iyon. The more I became comfortable with sharing my puppy love for you and to the rest of the world, the feeling dimmed more. A huge gap came. We were seeing less of each other. Once a year? Close to none? And then I woke up one day to a chismis that you are gay. Pag-asa has gone out of the window.

Sabi ni Yahoo! Messenger:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ is now offline.

Hanggang ngayon may epekto pa rin sa akin ang pangalan mo. Pero hindi na tulad nang dati na kilig ang hatid. Perhaps the old love has turned into a habit. Or into a longing. For the fun times. For the good friend. For the moments. For the past. And as I write this, I smile. You are a happy memory. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Love lots,

Jo

I shed habits

Just got back from our team's outing at La Luz Resort in Batangas. It was a fun-fun filled vacation. We took off from the office at 8 am, Friday and from there we were laughing all the way to our destination. It was a ride filled with kalokohan, kulitan, chibugan, asaran, stopovers, CR break, change positions, tuksuhan, batuhan ng jokes, saluhan ng banat... and this all happened inside one van for F I V E hours (and I thought I got "kabag" from eating all those chichirias, haha!).

One of the games we played during the ride was to guess which person in the team will be acted out by a teammate who is good at copying a person's habits, expressions. We were not able to finish the game, got distracted somehow. During one of our stopover, I learned from a teammate that they had difficulties identifying a habit that is "me". All they had is a laugh that they cannot copy correctly. Which made me think.

In a story, the protagonist will always have his/her/its eccentricity. This is what makes the character interesting, well-rounded. Kahit bida ka pa sa isang fairy tale, prinsipe man o prinsesa, your creator will give you your own brand of quirks and "weirdo-ness" so not to make you dull. And I have few of these. Because one of my fears in life is to act and appear ugly, weird, abnormal, unacceptable in public. Expressive pa naman ako. But if someone reacts strongly to the expressions I make and I feel that it does not look good, subconsciously I let go of the habit... gradually.

These distinct body movements, strange facial expressions adds a layer of intrigue to our being. I will have to abandon some of my inhibitions and enjoy life more. May it be ugly or beautiful.

Just a thought ;-)

130/80

That's my BP reading this afternoon. Considering I'm 'low blood', and my bp rose to that point is something. A comment, involving me, made by someone I know pissed me off. Feeling ko umakyat lahat ng dugo ko sa ulo. My forehead suddenly felt hot and there was a heavy feeling in that area. I also noticed that my eyes can't focus. And all the while, 'di ako makapaniwala na capable pala ako makaramdam ng ganun, galit, inis, asar or whatsoever, enough to make me feel some physical distress. Napainom tuloy ako ng gamot na endorsed ni papa John Lloyd <3.

Anyway, para sa taong yun, alay ko sa kanya a prayer for the departed souls. Haha. 'Etong para sa iyo *yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*

^_^V

Galit. Asar. Hindi lang halata.

When I got home earlier, I was welcomed by the aroma of my mama's tinolang manok (which, I found out later, had my favorite kalabasa in it *yummy*). This got me into a debate with my "conscience", whether I should

1) go exercise first then eat or
2) just eat.

Haha. Problema pa ba 'yan? But since I need to fit into my bikini (haha) by the end of the week, exercising won. Only to find out that my brother had my old PC reformatted, ALONG WITH MY FILES! ALONG WITH MY EXERCISE VIDEOS! OF SHAUN T! THE GAY INSTRUCTOR!

Aba siyempre I went berserk! At first time kong nakita si brother na tameme. 'Di naman ako nag-icha ng mga kasangkapan namin sa bahay. I just uttered a bit of *oomphf*, some *amf* and a lot of '!@#$%^&*(' Usually he's the one who's always on the offensive. Nasindak lang siguro talaga siya. Which is rare. Mahusay pala ako manindak. 'Pag totoo yun galit. Anyway...

So, in the end, there really was no decision to be made. And I lived happily ever after with my tinola and kalabasa. *Bow*.

Enjoy!

Blogging resumed

This will be the 3rd attempt at rekindling my old love for blogging. I had to delete the other one (please don't ask why -_-). I will update this regularly from now on.

Currently listening to "Sa Kanya". Emo mode -_-"

Haaay

Namulat ako at ngayo'y nag-iisa
Pagkatapos ng ulan
Bagama't nakalipas na ang mga sandali
Ay nagmumuni kung ako'y nagwagi
Pinipilit mang sabihin na ito'y wala sa akin
Ngunit bakit hanggang ngayon, nagdurugo pa rin

Sa kanya pa rin babalik sigaw, ng damdamin

Sa kanya pa rin sasaya bulong ng puso ko
Kung buhay pa ang alaala ng ating nakaraan
Ang pagmamahal at panahon alay pa rin sa kanya

At sa hatinggabi ay nag-iisa na lang
Ay minamasdan ang larawan mo
At ngayo'y bumalik nang siya'y kapiling pa
Alaala ng buong magdamag
Kung sakali man isipin na ito'y wala sa akin
Sana'y dinggin ang tinig kong nag-iisa pa rin

Ang pagmamahal at panahon alay pa rin
Sa kanya, sa kanya, sa kanya, hah-ooh

Sa kanya.

Life is good... along with blogging

I just finished setting up this WordPress blog. Spent the morning transferring old blog entries from my Multiply and tabulas.
It was a "traipse down memory lane" for me and I saw myself 5 years ago. How I think, write, the strangers I crossed path with, the people I kept, the circle of friends I have chosen to be in, the conscious realization about relationships, real and virtual, the habits I shed, the values I upheld, the struggle towards the dream, the attainment of that dream.
I read my life happenings in black and white and I remembered not only the dates, but also the "in-betweens". The unwritten in what is written. My life like a novel.
Blogging is good.

I'm back

I'm resuming my blog life again. Lost my drive to write the past years. I like to think I was cursed for abandoning my first course in college. Anyway, let me tell you what happened to me in the last 4 years. I recently graduated, May 29, from Mapua with a degree in IT. Graduated gold medalist and Cum Laude which was a pleasant surprise for me and my family. I was not expecting that because I really had a hard time during my last year and was struggling to get my act together to secure a spot in the graduating batch of May, 2008. I am thankful for the honors I received but considered it just a bonus because my family and I already benefited from the good grades I was getting through the scholarship given by my school. 3 days after graduation, I started attending a bootcamp training at Lawson, Manila. Before finally deciding on Lawson, I submitted my resume to a lot of companies and went to a lot of exams and interviews. I started applying March. I apply to every new job alerts in Jobstreet that is related to software development. I had a job offer at Smart Communications and Oracle but turned it down because, even though I'm a fresh grad, I had to dream bigger for myself. It was risky for me to decline on those offers because I might not get another offer from a reputable company as a software developer but if I was already justifying why I had to accept, the good things I see of the company might fill in the negative ones, I had to remember what happened with my "first life" in college. Included in my checklist is a company that will offer me learning opportunity, good compensation, a real job in software development, a friendly community, relaxed atmosphere, great workspace and facilities and if I don't see these all checked, then, as they say it in Filipino, "'Wag na lang." I don't want to be miserable again with the choices I make. So when Lawson posted a job advertisement inviting fresh graduates to join their bootcamp training I finally put an end to my job hunt and decided that it will be the company for me. I found all the qualities in my checklist at Lawson. When I was invited for an HR interview, I settled the other job offers I had that time, even saying to one company that I was declining on them because I received a better job offer. I was positive that I'd pass their screening process. I guess this is an advice I can give to all the fresh graduates who'll be job hunting, that when you go into that interview room, "pumasok kayo ng buo ang loob na makakapasa".
Now I feel like I'm back in school. Waking up very early in the morning, going home tired but satisfied with my day. I feel blessed because I've finally closed that dark chapter in my life where I felt like I was wasting away my life, being unproductive, doubted my self, crying everyday over not being able to graduate because I can't get my priorities right. But, in my mind, I knew that "matatapos din ito". Those days are of the past now and I look forward to each new day with positive thoughts. I'll try to keep my blog updated from now on. See you around.

Regards,

Jo